Kate

Kaat, Jame, and Jo say Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

A Christmas Miracle

It's Christmas Eve! And what a sight!

A man bedecked in red and white!

Grinning like a peddler just opening his pack,

'Cause he finally got his g****mn telephone back!

Merry Christmas Eve, all!

HO! HO! HO!

Jame made it home!

And seems to be doing well.  So great.  I can't take a picture, since my phone is at Cellairus getting repaired, but he is excellent.

As a pre-Christmas gift, here is a fake interview between HG Wells, Irving Berlin, and C. Clement Moore, the author of "'Twas the Night Before Christmas."  Irving Berlin (as personified by a member of the Upright Citizen's Brigade) is infectiously cheery; and Mr. Moore's breathtaking devotion to the warm Yuletide tradition of slavery is touching, if not abominable and psychotic.  In general, I cannot recommend the Dead Authors Podcast highly enough.  Especially the Ayn Rand one, featuring John Hodgman.

Love you guys!

Tell Mitch Dean says Merry Christmas!

Look what I found!

Yesterday and today are the Steps radio show.  Long hours, lots of tension, culminating with a recorded live performance (tonight) where you get one shot at material that you barely know and that has changed overnight, plus everything has to be timed to the second.  All under the baleful, stressed-out eye of the Boss.   Always a ton of fun right before the holidays.  And live brand-new Lirty Dies are always like playing Russian Roulette with your memory.

However, got home and saw this! Thanks, guys!  Can I open it before Christmas? Are things inside concealed? Or are they naked and vulnerable to the prying eye and I should just wait?

Also, what is your phone number? The phone is in the repair shop as I type, but won't back before Christmas, sadly.  Killing me.  Can't communicate even in the minimal way that I do.  And I don't know anyone' number anymore.  Just mine. And a  fat lot of good that does me.

Alright, off to re-memorize lines that changed overnight. Love y'all.

An absolutely true quote from Ricky Gervais

The Christmas Tree is up!

Now that Kate's birthday is past, we can turn to matters Noel-ish.  As is traditional, the Christmas Tree is a place in the home where families can gather together as one to worship Kevin McDonagh.

Well, it's taken a while...

But the screen on my long-shattered Galaxy S3 has finally sputtered to stray lines and mostly blackness.  I'm not due for a new upgrade, a new one cost $300+ if I just buy one, or if I eBay one $230+, plus at least a week transit time, plus it's hard to trust people on eBay, plus they're mostly refurbished by people who can't seem to tell the difference between 'there' 'their' and 'they're'.  I don't why I regard that as a bellwether for general stupidity, but apparently I do.  Also, 'to' 'too' and 'two'. Seriously. Not that hard to figure out.

I can get it repaired for $150, but they have to order parts and I won't have it until a couple of days past Christmas.  Not having a phone over Christmas will suck.  But that is probably going to be what I have to do.

So I won't be answering calls or texts for a bit.  Email me and I'll check whenever I can.  Damn first-world problems!

By the way, this is not my phone.  It would be hard to take a picture of my phone WITH my phone; especially as it does not work.  But apparently they shatter quicker than people's eardrums at a Michael Bolton concert.

Old Kate. Older Dad.

Even older you guys, I guess. Sorry! 

I'm feeling very positive about Kate today. In a variety of directions and ways. It's a good feeling. 

Kate gets new luggage!

Now that she is a traveling fool and whatnot. Happy Birthday,  Kate! 

It's KATURDAY!

You go, China!

Unless I am mistaken, 1973 was the last time we landed something on the moon that didn't crash. It took 50 years and China developing disposable income to get back there.  Now with the threat of the heathen Chinee glaring down on us from on high --WHERE GOD LIVES!-- maybe we can get a little budgetary space love here.  Cause God can't like Chinese people in his back yard. That has to be a pretty big God No-No. We need to get up there and reassure him REGULAR people are the ones heading toward heaven.  So, encourage your Christian friends to get up to heaven as fast as they can, by any means necessary.  Happy Holidays!

By the way, Pop...

This little Dell micro laptop you cobbled together for me years ago is still working like gangbusters. I fear for when it gives up the ghost.  Buying a new computer would be daunting.  Computers don't really look like computers as I know them anymore. Anyway,  I've dragged this little thing all over the country and it's always been my friend. 

Things I thought I posted, continued...

Jame from Thanksgiving.  He was so great this year.  Warmed the cockles of my heart. Perhaps even the sub-cockle area.

Things I meant to post...

Fried bologna...complete with little steam volcanoes in the middle.  They look giant giant meaty pasties, don't they?

Things I thought I posted but didn't get posted

In keeping with our tradition, Jon and I drove past the Fishkill Correctional Facility in NY state. Jon intends to leave in the spring and I'm kinda sad about it. 

You know, I have this cough I just cannot shake...

The little TV studio where I spent the last few hours

We get broadcast out to an eclectic live audience composed primarily of Cleveland-area high school classes, Florida middle schoolers,  and an odd cluster of retirement homes that I don't know where they are.  Plus the prettiest and hunkiest students from the nearest high school for a live audience. Everyone is all dressed up to the nines and straight out of a J. Crew for Teens catalogue.  It was Delores, Corey, and I. Went well, if lengthy. I don't think we offended anyone or committed any felonies.  So...whew.

I swear I would live in this hotel room.

Although I gots ta say...

...I won the room lottery when we finally checked in a little after midnight.  You can see the marquee of the theatre we're performing at through the window.  Sweet!

I think I've stayed in this very room before. I think there's a pic of it way back in the dim mists of this blog. 

Left the house at 2:15...

...driving through sleet 40+ miles to BWI. Originally had an 8:10pm flight to Cleveland.  When we got word at NOON that it was already delayed we gambled and switched to an earlier 6:50pm flight, which necessitated getting everyone there much earlier in the sleetstorm. 

We all made it, every other flight to Cleveland was promptly cancelled,  and our new earlier flight eventually took off at 10:15. Long day. Still beats not working. Love you guys! 

Christmas at the world famous Willard Intercontinental Hotel

A block from the White House.  Ulysses S. Grant stayed here. As did almost everyone else of note for about 160 years. Classy. Good show tonight. Whatever these guys do for a living must be lucrative.  I have rarely seen so many trophy wives in one room. A gathering of orthodontists once, in Newport Beach, maybe. These were some very high-end golddiggers.

Testing...

Glenside, PA

"Comp rooms for the Keswick Theatre?  Why, yes, they ARE ready."

Attended Dave Werner's memorial at the DC Press Club last night

Very nice. The place was packed. He was a funny, private,  unknowable guy. We'll never know what happened with him.  He certainly was beloved,  whether he thought he was or not.

Newport Beach Marriott Resort and Spa

One is a view from their Luxury Suite. The other is from my room.  Guess which is which.  "Oh? You're a visiting artist?  Your room is ready. "

This was a show for the California Association of Pawnbrokers, btw. Lots of bald heads, goatees, and ponytails. At 10am. 

Clearly, I am at Dulles again.

And clearly I am flying to California. And clearly I will be back here by 10pm tomorrow.  And clearly, I will have near-terminal case of "plane ass" for at least two days. 

Hmmm...palm trees, I-95, and cranky, carping, leathery-skinned retired New Yorkers everywhere. ..

Yep. I'm in Boca Raton. 

Don't know if I sent you this before

Me and beautiful Jo.

The Star's Dressing Room Experience is not what it was...

The Homestead resort in Hot Springs, VA

First built in 1766, it is regal, stuffy, and boring as hell if you don't have Mr. Monopoly type money.  I believe George Washington got a high colonic here once in pre-Revolutionary War times. Back then you used a funnel,  a length of sheep's intestine,  a blacksmith,  and a horse-powered pump.  Not easy like today. But GW was a hell of a guy. 

The 405 in Brentwood/Bel-Air

4:30 am. Looking out from room 700, the Hotel Angeleno. Off to LAX.

Porn star mayhem

On July 1, 1981, the most famous male porn star probably ever, even to the present day --John C. "Johnny Wadd" Holmes-- was forced against his will to let several men into this charming Laurel Canyon residence at 8763 Wonderland Avenue in L.A. He then was forced to witness --and in all likelihood participate in upon pain of death-- the violent bludgeoning of the fIve people within, four of them fatally. 

He was forced to do this because 3 days earlier the murdered crew --drug dealers Holmes owed heavily-- had forced him into letting THEM into the home of a notorious gangster named Eddie Nash, whom they proceeded to beat, rob, threaten, and generally disrespect. Eddie did not take this well and next thing you know there's poor ol' Johnny  Wadd --biggest dick in the world-- crying with a gun pressed against his temple being forced to beat the young wife of one of the drug dealers to death with a threaded lead pipe. Don't do drugs kids.

John Holmes was acquitted of the murders in 1982. He died of AIDS in 1988.

FOR YOUR SAFETY...!

...in modern parlance translates directly to 'This is Bullshit' or ''To Save Us Money...'

The sun sets slowly over the John Wayne International Airport

From room 824, the Irvine/Orange County Airport Hilton.  

Lake Berryessa, CA

Drove to Napa today.  Went to the most famous Zodiac murder scene -the Lake Berryessa slaying site- it's the small island behind me that is  in bright sunlight.  The water is very low now; it's usually not an island. 

On September 27, 1969 a man crept up on a picnicking young couple on that little piece of land, bound them, and repeatedly stabbed them -- the young woman fatally. The man barely lived and provided this terrifying description.  Even 44 years later this place is surprisingly remote.

Guess who I got to visit!

In beautiful Donner Pass.

Folsom, CA

Jon and I are in Folsom so you know where we're headed. Johnny Cash's picture is plastered everywhere. 

Luggage sculptures in the Sacramento airport baggage claim

Neat!

Coming home from Grayslake, IL.

Got the cool seat with no one in front of me!  Everyone is soooooooo jealous.  Excellent. 

An El Marko works even better than a pastry brush

And who was El Marko, anyway? A Spanish nobleman who freed the peasants from the tyranny of erasable markers? Cause El Marko's ain't erasable.  You draw a penis on a passed-out drunk guy with one of those,  that s--- is on for good: tattoo in a stick. 

Pinkie driving me insane today

Yes. It's a pastry brush.  What of it? 

Returning from Wisconsin to a scarily deserted airport

Yes. I'm in Wisconsin

In Winnecone en route to Steven's Point. Woo!

TW being mad

He hates being caught with his own row. On to Milwaukee!