Bird's-eye view, about to open the house, Weatherford, KS at SWOSU

First in an endless series: Odd Things Adorning Hotel Rooms - Part I, Fairfield Inn, Weatherford, KS

The World's Biggest Soap Dish? The World's Shallowest Vase? A Bedpan for someone with a Severe Buttockular Derangement? A Mortuary Slab for a Halibut? The World's Most Un-Ergonomically Designed Sex Toy? Who knows. But it's large, green, ceramic and taking up a lot of my bathroom counter space.

This is TW hating our crowded flight to Oklahoma City

Plus we're a little delayed. WAH!!!!

The Union Center Theater, LSU, Baton Rouge, LA

Well, our run of large sold-out houses had to end. One photo shows the empty house at sound check. The other shows the near-empty house three minutes before showtime. Apparently, Baton Rouge has but two comedy shows a year: us, and Bill Cosby. Unfortunately, both shows were at 3:00 yesterday. Guess who people went to see? Curse you, Bill Cosby! May your jello be tainted with foreign e-coli from hereafter!

Baton Rouge, and nearby Angola Prison

Don't worry, Jon and I are running out of prisons.  But this was so close we couldn't resist. If nothing else, at least as a thematic through-line.

Unbeknownst to us, Angola Prison --on top of being famous for decades as a place of human torment unabated: humid, hideous, and unrelieved-- apparently does a big business as the epicenter of that huge and somewhat bizarre prison industry: Rodeo.  Yes, it was Prison Rodeo Day and we got caught in Prison Rodeo Traffic and barely escaped having to drive into the actual Prison Itself.  Fortunately, we found a lovely prison museum to stop at just shy of the gates and we bode our time within, waiting for traffic to subside so we could escape.

Inside, we saw marvelous prison displays, including yet another electric chair that has fried any number of actual humans: Gruesome Gertie.

It also had another cell for me to be in

 -- I'm getting quite a collection of these-- and another example of the greatest thing to ever happen to Cheeseball Americana Schlock Art: Patriotic 911 Renderings.  Prisoners being forcibly detained by the state somehow have an even greater need to be patriotic. And very little is more patriotic than this:

Good Lord. I'm practically pissing Red, White, and Blue just looking at this. Well, red at least. I must see a urologist.  I would also point out that out of the prisons we have visited recently (how often does one get to say that?) Angola wins as far as oppressive and soul-crushing displays of barbed-and-razor wire. The place is positively festooned with dangerous accoutrements.

Lied Center, Lincoln, NE

Filled up and rocking last night. But the Nats ended their Cinderella season with the (true fact) most shameful choke in the 100+ years of major league baseball. I am way more bummed than seems reasonable over a sporting event. Did they have to set an actual historic record for failure? :(

Concordia, KS, nazi POW camp, 1943-45

What? You didn't know the government flew captured nazis to the middle of Kansas in WWII and interred them for the duration there so that if they escaped they would end up floundering helplessly until recaptured while screaming, "Korn! Mein Gott! Iz zere nussing but zis accursed korn! Gemüse von traurigkeit!"

Well, they did.

Driving Hutchinson, KS to Lincoln, NE

Five hours of this. Bleargh.

Spent the day in the salt mines yesterday

Not figuratively --the Steps ARE a job, but in no way could they ever be considered hard labor: the heaviest thing most of us have to lift is a giant cardboard cutout of Rush Limbaugh.

600 feet straight down an unlit, pitch-black elevator shaft. Awesome.

No, we went to the Kansas Salt Museum, some 660 feet below Hutchinson, KS and extending hundreds of miles in either direction. Enough salt to keep mining for at least another 2500 years. And way, way cooler than you would think just from the sound of it.  It was a big time investment, but --hey-- we're in Hutchinson, Kansas. We don't have many plans.

Dave, Jon and I pretend we are real men.

 This was one of the coolest museums we've seen.  It was well done, intriguing, run by friendly, knowledgable people, and something I knew nothing about. For instance, salt mines (there are 6 in the US, only one of which you can tour) do a big side business in archiving films, documents, business records, etc., since the salt preserves everything and there are no insects or parasites of any kind. So they take out the salt and fill up the space with things they want to preserve. Neat. Plus, we got to mine our own chunk of salt.

If salt were diamonds, I'd be rich

Played the beautiful Fox Theater last night. We are on a roll of gorgeous old theaters.  Good crowd. We're definitely wowing them these days.

Guess which flight is ours?

Yep. The only one that's delayed. Back on the road: DC --> Dallas, Dallas --> Wichita, drive to Hutchinson, wherever that is. And that's the BEST case scenario. No show tonight; just the getting there.

One day home.

Back to Kansas tomorrow...

Are we the only ones dumb enough to be at the Kansas City airport at 6:30am?

It would seem so.  The halo is because I'm Jesus. We All Are. We did a show in Topeka last night. Whatever.  Heading home.

The Prison Tour continues: USP Leavenworth, KS

Former home of such notables as Machine Gun Kelly, Bugsy Moran, James Earl Ray, Carl Panzram, and Michael Vick.

We didn't really mean to go on a prison tour, it just sort of happened that way.

The only good reason to be awake in Denver at 5am....

Off to Topeka.

Room 423, Clarion Inn, Denver

Yes, it's in a neighborhood where babies are probably found in dumpsters with alarming frequency, but this low-rent Clarion Inn does have the finest example of a toweligami elephant that I have ever seen.

Gates Hall, Newman Center, U of CO, Denver

Beautiful. The debate was held in another hall in this complex a couple of nights back. You may have heard. :)

This is the most secure prison in the world

Jon and I detoured way out of our way today in order to drive past AdMax Florence: America's parking place for super-criminals. The Unabomber is in there, as well as Ramzi Youssef, the Shoebomber, the Olympic bomber, Terry Nichols, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.... It was kind cool. And scary. All our modern monsters huddled in one grim lockdown.

Boulder, Colorado

This is the lovely Macky Auditorium where we had a great sold-out show tonight. And this is a recreation of me trying to change channels using my travel toothbrush case, something that actually happened a few minutes ago. I think I'm getting tired.  I met a lady named Ellen Gilly(?) who said she and her husband John knew you guys. Goodnight, Mom n Dad. Love y'all. Off to the Springs tomorrow.

Jon and I, Pearl St., Boulder, CO

Driving Pueblo ---> Ft. Collins

Passing Denver's Mile-High Stadium. On the other side of this barricade is Obama's motorcade as he arrives for the debate. Which it's why we are stuck in this traffic. :(  Forgive my brevity: "things shifted during flight" and now I think my little notebook's power supply is kerflooey. May have to ask advice when I get back, Pops.  Love you guys.  Hug Mitch for me.

Flew Durango ---> Denver, now driving Denver ---> Pueblo

The mountain bristling with dishes and antennae is Cheyenne Mountain. I believe that is where Matthew Broderick saved the world by playing tic-tac-toe, if I remember my bible correctly.

View from rm 105 Rochester Inn, Durango, CO.

A cute l'il B&B. I hate cute l'il B&Bs.... Off to the Springs!

Scenes from Durango, CO: I

Performers are treated very well in Colorado.

Leaving El Paso, 5:45 am

Corey is already asleep. Our GPS took us to an empty field adjacent to the runway across from the terminal we needed to be about mile distant and told us to park and walk. Seriously.

View from room 821, the El Paso Doubletree Inn

The clustered vista of low dwellings crouched below the mountains in the distance is the evil, beating heart of Ciudad Juarez: the most dangerous city in the world. Not only has it been for years the epicenter of a monstrous violent clash between the largest and most ruthless Mexican drug cartels -at it's peak in 2010, there were 3115 cartel-related homicides, many complete with the signature decapitation and rolling of severed heads into places of business as a warning- but it is also the home of the world's current most prolific known serial killer, who has murdered at least 500, and possibly up to 2000, women since 1993 and is still going strong. Not going there. Jon wants to, of course.