These are the offending trousers

My pants DID call you the other day, sorry. They've been calling everyone.  They called a Taiwanese sex-chat-line last friday evening and talked for 2 hours. Those darn pants!  Now it seems they are engaged to a young woman named Suling Something-or-the-other. She's quite pushy. She keeps calling and screaming, "I AM THE MRS. PANTS! YOU SEND CHECK! YOU SEND CHECK NOW!"

I may have to lose the pants.